NutriBlast Me

Alright... So we remember my "7 Day Juice Fast", right? I should say, "Kinda Almost a 3 Day Juice Fast". That is putting it more accurately. 

Well, I am not going to do that again. It seems that I am not cut out for the preparation, cost nor the clean-up necessary for a 7 day juice fast. Or any juice fast, for that matter. And although I keep telling myself that adding another 45 minutes to my morning is well worth the aggravation of the messiness caused, I still can't come to grips with it. I mean, I should ENJOY getting healthy... right? Right!

Which is why I purchased the "NutriBullet". According to the info-mercial, (and info-mericials are ALWAYS truthful), this thing annihilates  food into a drinkable smoothness while keeping all of the goodness that comes in the fruits and vegetables added. All of the fiber and I can add nuts and seeds and watch them liquefy. 

Anyway, I am going to try to add at least one "Nutri-blast" into my daily routine.

There Are No Magic Buttons...

Waking up every morning with a headache and feeling like I am in a fog has become "normal" for me. This is not good. I have made the promises but have slowly degraded further into unhealthiness and instability. I honestly fear for my future as I am poisoning myself with processed foods and drinks and chemically laden produce.

The fat that I have acquired over the past few years in surrounding my heart. I can feel it. I get short of breath... that's a lie... I get completely winded from the slightest exertion. Seriously. Putting on my socks takes my breath away and makes my heart race. MOVING takes my breath away.

I WANT to be healthy. I WANT to change. I WANT a magic button I can press that will alter my concept of food! I don't want to crave everything that I crave and I want to stop the excuses. I want to rise with a sense of clarity. I want each day to be representative of who I really am. Because right now, I am not that person.

What truly baffles me is how easy it was for me to quit smoking immediately upon hearing I had a brain aneurysm. I steadily and consistently smoked for over 15 years and loved it. I truly LOVED smoking. Yet, I have not touched a cigarette since November 29, 2009. What I am doing to my body and mind now are just as bad as those cigarettes. However, I find each day to be an overwhelming challenge and I cave into myself and feed the addiction.

If I cannot change this and be present, then...

Will I have the power to overcome myself?

I spend a large portion of every day wondering what my problem is. Wondering why I cannot care about myself enough to make simple changes that will ultimately effect my life for the good. I will have a good intention and then cave within hours of promising myself that THIS time will be different. That THIS time I will succeed. I never do. I am trying to figure out what my breaking point is. Is this it? Today? Have I reached it this time? Will I have the power to overcome myself?

I am the heaviest and unhealthiest I have ever been. I have yet to step on a scale, but trust me... I am at my heaviest. Not to mention, I wake up every morning in a fog with a feeling of a headache coming on (If I don't already have one).  My mind is not at it sharpest and I feel dizzy and have to constantly readjust my vision by blinking and stretching my eyes.  Let's put it this way... I feel like if I were to lay back down, I could sleep for many more hours. And this is how I feel EVERY morning and most of the day. It scares me a little. Honestly, it SHOULD scare me a lot.

I have spent years turning off the fear of my health. Even after I was diagnosed with my reality. My reality sucks. And I really don't like to think about it. But... if I don't start thinking about it, the reality I know now will be my best days. And that, would more than suck!

So... I am going to try a 7 day juice cleanse. Only juice and water for 7 days.

Writing this is risky. Two things could happen; I could fail. OR... I could succeed. The odds are overwhelmingly against me (within me), but I am going to try.

What Once Was Empty...

Making the change toward a healthier lifestyle seems like an insurmountable task, and the first few days are definitely difficult. This decision to live healthier in order to reverse the damage I have done to my body is only the first step (the easy step). A decision. A thought. An idea. The hard steps are: getting up, moving, being balanced. And the hardest step of all is being loyal.  Being loyal to myself.

I tend to let myself down. A lot.

That needs to stop and I need to figure out how to stop it.

This "thought" NEEDS to transform into a reality. If I can't make this happen, I fear for my future. So... I am going to give it my all! My past promises to myself have been empty. I need to fill them with integrity and self-respect.

Here's to something different...

K

Rebirth!

Once again, I begin my "rebirth". Over the course of the last several months (okay, maybe year and a half or two), I resigned myself to the fact that I was (or am), indeed... FAT! I ranted over my exploits and faked owning responsibility for my actions. I made hollow promises to myself and to the void and I did absolutely nothing to reverse this fact!

I woke this morning with too many thoughts (as usual). Worried about money, Christmas, family, friends, and most importantly, my health... It has become severely necessary that I start "walking the walk", physically and metaphorically. As you (my small number of readers) know, I have been afflicted with some issues that I have conveniently used to further my addiction. I have become laden with goo and have gained more weight than I care to mention. However, I am going to... I currently weigh 186 pounds. I have friends who tell me there is NO WAY I can weigh that much and that I definitely do not look at all like I do. I politely thank them and then wonder why in the world anyone would LIE about that?! Why would I boast that my weight is equal to the recommended weight for a 6 foot 2 inch man? I wouldn't!! I wish THAT was my problem!

Saying that I take "guilty pleasure" in my food selection and consumption is putting it very lightly. AS I am eating, the guilt pounds in my head, but yet... I continue. I honestly do not even enjoy the food anymore. It is just something to do. Something that used to pleasure me, but now all I am left with is the guilt!

I am sad. Not clinically...just unhappy with what I am doing to myself. And unhappy with the fact that I have obviously refused to make a change to reverse what I have done. I quit smoking the day I was told I had an aneurysm and have not looked back! I wonder... what will it take for me to give up my diet (if you can call it that)? I am working on that. I am working on it ONLY taking ME!

Happy Holidays! I will keep you posted...
K

Let's Try This Again, Shall We?

Well, after a 2 year (or so) hiatus - It's time to voice my willingness to "get on track"... again.

I keep thinking that someday, this thought process will have to stick, right?  Let's hope it's this time.

I have joined an on-line program (app) called, LoseIt.com with thanks to my friendly friend, Rae! Let's see if I have the staying power this time around...

I have guessed at my beginning weight of 192 pounds and would like to lose approximately 65-70 pounds. Holy crap. When I put it in writing, the number looks so daunting and gigantic (as am I). But seriously, I owe it to myself. I fee terrible all of the time. I have had enough things happen "to" me. It's high time I start controlling what those things are!

Wagon

I can't catch up with the wagon. I am trying.