I spend a large portion of every day wondering what my problem is. Wondering why I cannot care about myself enough to make simple changes that will ultimately effect my life for the good. I will have a good intention and then cave within hours of promising myself that THIS time will be different. That THIS time I will succeed. I never do. I am trying to figure out what my breaking point is. Is this it? Today? Have I reached it this time? Will I have the power to overcome myself?
I am the heaviest and unhealthiest I have ever been. I have yet to step on a scale, but trust me... I am at my heaviest. Not to mention, I wake up every morning in a fog with a feeling of a headache coming on (If I don't already have one). My mind is not at it sharpest and I feel dizzy and have to constantly readjust my vision by blinking and stretching my eyes. Let's put it this way... I feel like if I were to lay back down, I could sleep for many more hours. And this is how I feel EVERY morning and most of the day. It scares me a little. Honestly, it SHOULD scare me a lot.
I have spent years turning off the fear of my health. Even after I was diagnosed with my reality. My reality sucks. And I really don't like to think about it. But... if I don't start thinking about it, the reality I know now will be my best days. And that, would more than suck!
So... I am going to try a 7 day juice cleanse. Only juice and water for 7 days.
Writing this is risky. Two things could happen; I could fail. OR... I could succeed. The odds are overwhelmingly against me (within me), but I am going to try.
