How can I actually believe in myself...?

So many times I have professed my "turn-a-round", to no avail. I am beginning to think I am untrustworthy. How can I ultimately succeed at anything if I consistently sabotage my journey? 

I am scared of where I am going. 

I Am Trying...

After now being diagnosed with dangerously high blood pressure and being ridiculously over fat, do you think it's time for me to wake up? I am trying. I have slipped into ritualistic self hatred and pain. 

I'm trying.

Me... The Yogi

Went to a yoga class today with my sister-in-law. It was tough, but I enjoyed it. The fat encircling my middle makes most of the poses difficult, if not impossible, but I did them to the best of my ability. That is the positive. The negative... I made the mistake of stepping on the scale - I am 6 pounds heavier than last weekend. I don't get it. Don't get it at all... 212.4 pounds. :(

The First Step... again, again

This journey is taking a long time. It is taking a long time because I won't take the first step. No other reason. I read back through some old posts and they are embarrassing. So many are filled with "disgust and so this..." analogies that never come to fruition. I even ignore this blog because it is a constant reminder of my failures. I have a problem. It is a big problem.  I am completely addicted to this unhealthy, sedentary lifestyle. Breaking the bond with that addiction is proving to be harder than I thought. I am not the person I used to be; I am inside of this one.

I don't know how to fix what is going on behind the scenes. Try to take the first step, I guess... again.