Waking up every morning with a headache and feeling like I am in a fog has become "normal" for me. This is not good. I have made the promises but have slowly degraded further into unhealthiness and instability. I honestly fear for my future as I am poisoning myself with processed foods and drinks and chemically laden produce.
The fat that I have acquired over the past few years in surrounding my heart. I can feel it. I get short of breath... that's a lie... I get completely winded from the slightest exertion. Seriously. Putting on my socks takes my breath away and makes my heart race. MOVING takes my breath away.
I WANT to be healthy. I WANT to change. I WANT a magic button I can press that will alter my concept of food! I don't want to crave everything that I crave and I want to stop the excuses. I want to rise with a sense of clarity. I want each day to be representative of who I really am. Because right now, I am not that person.
What truly baffles me is how easy it was for me to quit smoking immediately upon hearing I had a brain aneurysm. I steadily and consistently smoked for over 15 years and loved it. I truly LOVED smoking. Yet, I have not touched a cigarette since November 29, 2009. What I am doing to my body and mind now are just as bad as those cigarettes. However, I find each day to be an overwhelming challenge and I cave into myself and feed the addiction.
If I cannot change this and be present, then...
No comments:
Post a Comment