What Once Was Empty...

Making the change toward a healthier lifestyle seems like an insurmountable task, and the first few days are definitely difficult. This decision to live healthier in order to reverse the damage I have done to my body is only the first step (the easy step). A decision. A thought. An idea. The hard steps are: getting up, moving, being balanced. And the hardest step of all is being loyal.  Being loyal to myself.

I tend to let myself down. A lot.

That needs to stop and I need to figure out how to stop it.

This "thought" NEEDS to transform into a reality. If I can't make this happen, I fear for my future. So... I am going to give it my all! My past promises to myself have been empty. I need to fill them with integrity and self-respect.

Here's to something different...

K

Rebirth!

Once again, I begin my "rebirth". Over the course of the last several months (okay, maybe year and a half or two), I resigned myself to the fact that I was (or am), indeed... FAT! I ranted over my exploits and faked owning responsibility for my actions. I made hollow promises to myself and to the void and I did absolutely nothing to reverse this fact!

I woke this morning with too many thoughts (as usual). Worried about money, Christmas, family, friends, and most importantly, my health... It has become severely necessary that I start "walking the walk", physically and metaphorically. As you (my small number of readers) know, I have been afflicted with some issues that I have conveniently used to further my addiction. I have become laden with goo and have gained more weight than I care to mention. However, I am going to... I currently weigh 186 pounds. I have friends who tell me there is NO WAY I can weigh that much and that I definitely do not look at all like I do. I politely thank them and then wonder why in the world anyone would LIE about that?! Why would I boast that my weight is equal to the recommended weight for a 6 foot 2 inch man? I wouldn't!! I wish THAT was my problem!

Saying that I take "guilty pleasure" in my food selection and consumption is putting it very lightly. AS I am eating, the guilt pounds in my head, but yet... I continue. I honestly do not even enjoy the food anymore. It is just something to do. Something that used to pleasure me, but now all I am left with is the guilt!

I am sad. Not clinically...just unhappy with what I am doing to myself. And unhappy with the fact that I have obviously refused to make a change to reverse what I have done. I quit smoking the day I was told I had an aneurysm and have not looked back! I wonder... what will it take for me to give up my diet (if you can call it that)? I am working on that. I am working on it ONLY taking ME!

Happy Holidays! I will keep you posted...
K

Let's Try This Again, Shall We?

Well, after a 2 year (or so) hiatus - It's time to voice my willingness to "get on track"... again.

I keep thinking that someday, this thought process will have to stick, right?  Let's hope it's this time.

I have joined an on-line program (app) called, LoseIt.com with thanks to my friendly friend, Rae! Let's see if I have the staying power this time around...

I have guessed at my beginning weight of 192 pounds and would like to lose approximately 65-70 pounds. Holy crap. When I put it in writing, the number looks so daunting and gigantic (as am I). But seriously, I owe it to myself. I fee terrible all of the time. I have had enough things happen "to" me. It's high time I start controlling what those things are!